I needz the advice

Ya’all, I know you have dealt with my apartment complaining, mom complaining, everything complaining, but I need advice.

Say you found a roommate on Craigslist and that person seemed freaking awesome (not seemed…more like was freaking awesome) and like…they already gave their month’s notice to move out of their current apartment without having a backup…would you feel bad for ditching them?

Let me explain: Work is starting to get crazy with the various gay holidays coming up in Philadelphia. It is stress that I can handle, but what I can’t handle is searching for apartments, moving out and getting my life situated during said crazyness at work. Plus, I really am not financially ready yet, so what would you do? Would you feel bad for “ditching” them, or would you do what is best for you both financially and mentally?

#personal  #apartment hunting  #roommates  #apartments  #independent living  

I am not sure how I feel about this

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#personal  

Reflections

Sometimes I think back to that one night, years ago, when I got into this huge argument with my ex-boyfriend from high school. We were in our “trying to be friends” stage a year after our break-up. He told me, “You’ll never succeed and guess what, Princess? I’ll be there, at the end of the line when you graduate, laughing because you’ll have nothing and be nothing.”

bahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, sorry I can’t hear you over MY AWESOME CAREER. 

#personal  #Welp now I am gay so whatever  

I literally can’t anymore…I just can’t.

These are the days I miss my Uncle Ray the most—when I need to bitch about my mom and I have no one to go to. Usually he would either 1) Knock some sense into me or 2) Realize that his sister is absolutely being absurd.

 So I told my mom about a few apartments I had been looking at in the city. With the various special issues that are coming up with the paper, I will be working late nights and not getting home until 9-10 at night. Now, this is like an hour train ride home for me and to be honest, I am just tired of Lansdale and I am tired of the commute, but most of all, I am tired of being a 25-year-old living at home with my over protective parents.

 So, I have been emailing about various places and I found two apartments: One in West Philadelphia and one in South Philadelphia. I would be taking over a lease for someone in WP and I would be living with a younger couple in SP. Well, of course, I have to tell my mom about all my endeavors, which is really stupid of me. My mom has literally come up with all the excuses under the sun for me to not leave. “You don’t want to live with a couple,” “You can’t do it financially,” “You can’t do it.”—Now granted, this is coming from the woman who ALMOST prevented me from taking the job at PGN because, and I quote, “You can’t financially do that job.”

And I know she doesn’t financially care what happens to me—she knows I can do it financially. To be blunt, she is just being an overprotective bitch who can’t let go of a daughter she has had her claws on for 25 years. I am ready—mentally and financially ready. Don’t get me wrong, I am not a millionaire, but I have enough of a cushion to help me out in the move. My mom doesn’t seem to grasp the fact that EVERYONE STRUGGLES AT ONE POINT OR ANOTHER!

And I can’t seem to tell her that if I don’t move out, our relationship will probably be ruined, because it is headed that way. It is coming to the point where I literally cringe at the fact that I know every fucking morning, she is going to ask when I am coming home, if I am coming home on time, who I will be hanging out with, where I am going, etc etc.

I just can’t wait to get the hell out of this house and be on my own again. I love my mom, but I am beginning to not like her and that scares me. 

#personal  #apartments  #apartment hunting  #parents  

I really can’t stand life sometimes..

I feel like such an ungrateful brat, but I am seriously disappointed. I found out that the apartment I wanted is around $610-620 a month, which with the amount that I make and the amount on my student loans and bills that I  just can’t do it. What is worse is that my mom doesn’t understand why I am so upset. At first, she felt bad, but then she just didn’t get it. I’ve been paying for everything since I was 16 and sometimes as ungrateful as this sounds, I just wish she could help me out a little. Don’t get me wrong, I know what my parents do for me and it is wonderful, however, sometimes I wish I was like some of the people who get everything paid for, because I wouldn’t have to worry as much. I just really want to leave and get out of this good for nothing town and meet new people and get away from everything and it just seems like I will never get there.

#personal  

Funny how, all of a sudden, a plethora of people on my facebook and in my life think I can wave this magical wand and either get them published or get them a job somewhere. I think it is hysterical that some of these individuals haven’t talked to me in months, even years and now all of a sudden, they’re coming out of the wood work and trying to “hobnob” with me and see if I can either A) Get them a job at my place of employment or B) That I have these magical connections that can get them a job somewhere in Philly.

Don’t get me wrong, I am all for helping people out—hence, getting a few of my friends to apply for jobs in their respected fields, but I will not hold your hand and allow you to use me because I worked hard and got in the position I have now. I am all about helping true friends who have been there for me since before I got this job—I am not for helping people who barely spoke to me before.

Is that mean? has this happened to anyone else before?

#personal  #journalism  #journalist  #writer  

I think the worst thing you could possibly say to someone is “no one will ever love you or care about you as much as I do” or something a long those lines.

It is kind of setting that person up for failure or saying that the only love they are worthy of is yours and no one else’s. It makes you feel like complete and utter shit. I mean, I can’t even articulate in words how that makes me feel…like, “welp, guess I am done receiving or giving love because clearly you were/are the only individual who can love me and love me a lot.” Might as well give up, right?

It is like when you are at this terrible job and you desperately want to get out because you are not happy and your boss says to you, “you’ll never find another job who will employ you,” which further depletes the confidence in that individual.

Or when you are trying to get out of an abusive/potentially abusive relationship and the person says, “No one will ever love you.”

Just an awesome feeling. Freaking fabulous. 

#personal  #relationships  #love  

Is it bad that I really want to text this girl I am talking to about Illinois? We were chatting yesterday and she was asking about my day and I told her about an article I am working on about marriage equality in different states and that Illinois was super close to passing a bill and she was excited. Now, I found out the committee approved the bill and it will move to the house chamber and I just want to text her and be like “yay! So exciting” but I need to play it cool, you know? ughhhh

#personal  #I don't know why I wrote this  

So I found this apartment

And knowing my luck, I probably will not get a response back, but it is in University City. I would be living with graduate students and it would be in a safe area of Philly and I could bring my car if I wanted to (or not). It would only be $600-something including utilities. The two women seem super nice and it would be the perfect timing.

 Side note: I have until May before I start having to pay my parents for rent.

 Anyways, I really should just do things, but the issue is I tell my mom. My mom can be the voice of reason, but sometimes she can hold me back. She has gotten much better since I started my job, however, I think by May, I can have enough money saved up. I rarely spend money anyways. My social life consists of hanging with this bitch at Starbucks, or reading. I rarely travel because…gas and because life is just expensive.

 I just don’t know what to do. I want to live on my own—I really want to fly the coup, but now I have this doubtful voice in my mind telling me I can’t do it.

#personal  #moving out  #apartment  

I have to have dinner with my best friend in 45 minutes and I am just not in the mood. I’ve had people be short with me and I just heard something that I wasn’t ready to hear and something that surprised me and took me off guard.

To be honest, I am just ready to go home and curl up in a ball and just cry it out, but I can’t. 

#relationships  #friendships  #sad  #personal